This sort of worked last time

So. Today I am writing the first ten pages of my thesis. Not the actual first ten pages, of course, just any ten pages. It must happen, because I have A Plan to get this thing written, and apparently public embarrassment is enough of a motivating factor. Because if I can't bang out ten double-spaced pages of bullshit about something I know a lot about today, what does it say about me that just this weekend I wrote 10,000 words of a gratuitously musical short story for my creative writing class like it was nothing? I have my priorities straight, is what it says.

SO HERE'S HOW IT'S GOING TO GO.

1:00 PM: 0 pages. It begins.

1:14 PM: 1 page I copy-pasted part of my funding application into a word document entitled, I kid you not, "THESIS - WHAT." It counts, though. ONWARDS.

1:23 PM: 2 pages More copy-paste, this time from an email conversation I had with my adviser. If only this entire process would go this quickly! On another note, I have realized I don't actually know how to write a thesis. For my methodology, can I include a list of all my target words and sentences? That'll take up four more pages. Awesome.

1:31 PM: 3 pages THIS IS AWESOME. I copy-paste stuff I have already written, change it to double-space, tweak it a little, look up, and BAM there's another page. Bizarre, yet amazing.

1:37 PM: 4 pages Copy-pasted my wordlist in here. No wonder so many people plagiarize from the internet, this is the easiest thing I've ever done. Bonus points because I'm plagiarizing from myself. This Methodology section is kick-ass.

2:26 PM: 5 pages This last page came entirely from my own brain, which is why it took so long. But now I am officially one-tenth of the way there! I'm not sure if I'm excited or daunted by this number. Both, perhaps.

And now I am going to go take a break and shower. I'm hoping to get another five pages by the end of the day. WE SHALL SEE.

3:28 PM: 5 pages I am out of the shower with another mug of tea after my break. Now begins Thesis Sunday, Part 2: Electric Boogaloo. HERE WE GO.

4:19 PM: 6 pages I have been listening to the Kyrie eleison section of the Mozart Requiem on repeat for the past hour. It is simultaneously comforting in its familiarity and utterly terrifying each time a new "Kyrie" section starts. Basically excellent motivation, really.

4:56 PM: 7 pages Yes, seven pages, THAT'S RIGHT. However, to disabuse you of the notion that I am actually succeeding in this, I present you with an excerpt of what I have just written. (Know that, when I am writing, I write notes to myself in all caps so that I will see them when I go back and do some editing. I have a recurring nightmare in which I submit a paper and I have forgotten to go through and take out all the side-notes. You will soon see why.)

It is well known in THE FIELD OF WHAT that in many dialects of English the presence of a nasal consonant will raise the vowel it precedes or follows. Pre-nasal vowels will often take on a nasal quality even though English does not have nasal vowels, only oral ones. ALSO I SHOULD CITE THINGS HERE. LIKE PAPERS. OR SOMETHING. The presence of a nasal consonant causes the speaker to lower the velum to allow air to pass through both the nose and the mouth. Through the process of WHAT - ASSIMILATION? ARGH PHONETICS most speakers of American English will leave the velum at least partially lowered when articulating a vowel when it is immediately near a nasal consonant, producing a semi-nasalized vowel. This effect is generally most notable in pre-nasal vowels. UM, THEN I PUT ACTUAL WORK HERE?

Yes, really.